Forgiveness Read online

  “You gave me hope by making it seem like you wanted to be with me, and then you asked your new girlfriend to the dance instead of me. Loki explained why you did it, but that’s just an excuse. You’ve been walking around the school ignoring both of us while your girlfriend and her gang have been bullying me all year,” I start.

  Loki’s face looks pissed while Steve looks shocked. His shock pisses me off even more because he was so oblivious about their bullying. How the fuck can you claim to care about someone and don’t even notice the basic shit that’s going on with them?

  “I’ve been putting up with it because I don’t care about those basic bitches, but you have been a coward. You’ve been a coward when it comes to me and Loki, you’ve been a coward when it comes to your dad and I’m tired of it Steve. Just leave me alone until you get your head out of your ass.”

  By the time I’m done with my little speech, I can feel my eyes begin to water so I turn away. I’m not going to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry. Loki quickly leads me away from the dance floor and outside. Once we get outside, I start having a panic attack. Shit. I haven’t had one of those since my parents first started arguing when I was younger. Loki starts rubbing my back and helping me control my breathing while I get it together.

  “Thanks, Loki,” I say.

  “No problem, Valkyrie,” he responds sadly. “I used to get panic attacks too when my stepdad first started hitting my mom.”

  I keep forgetting how hard Loki’s life was when his mom got married, and here I am having a panic attack over some guy I was never official with. So, I grab Loki’s hand and head back to the limo that the club rented for us.

  “Are you sure you want to leave?” he asks.

  “Yea,” I admit. “I thought I could handle it but I can’t, and I don’t want to go home either. Just take me away from here.”

  He nods. “I know the perfect place. I always went there to think when things between my mom and stepdad got bad. I’ve been meaning to take you there now I know what’s going on between your mom and dad, and I guess now is a better time than ever. Let’s go home and change clothes, and we can take my bike.”

  We get in the limo, and I see Steve standing outside staring at us as we drive away. All I can think about is what we could’ve been if he weren’t being such a coward and I start to cry. Loki doesn’t say a word. He just wraps his arms around me and lets me cry.

  Chapter 12 - Steve, 18 years old

  She left.

  I can’t believe she just left with my former best friend. I tried to talk to her, and I tried to explain and she flipped out. I can’t say I blame her, but to hear how much I hurt her is a whole different situation. I feel like shit and my chest is hurting a little. Crystal comes up and puts her hand on my shoulder. I would normally shrug it away, but I’m not even concerned about her right now because all I can think about is Harley.

  “Stop fussing over that stupid biker chick,” Crystal says to me. “She clearly picked him over you.”

  It didn’t feel like Harley and Adam’s relationship was like that, but I haven’t hung out with either one of them in a long time. I hate to say it, but Crystal is right, they could’ve gotten together. I mean, it’s not like I’ve been the most welcoming person towards either one of them. I look at Crystal and realize that I’m much more like her than I ever realized. I thought she was shallow and bent to the will of her father too much, but how is that any different from what I did to Harley and Steve?

  “Come on,” I say to Crystal. “Let’s go back inside.”

  “Awesome,” she says. “By the way, one of the guys on the team is having an after-party and we were invited to go.”

  I don’t really like most of the guys on the team, but I’m a little depressed thinking about Harley leaving with Adam. At least, I’ll be able to drink away the memory.

  “Sure,” I respond.

  The rest of the dance goes on like a blur, and next thing I know, we’re at the party. As soon as I get there, grab a beer and head outside to wallow. Crystal follows me close behind with her own drink in her hand.

  “You’re still thinking about that Harley girl, aren’t you?” she asks. She must see the shock on my face, so she continues speaking. “Look, I know everybody thinks I’m some bimbo cheerleader, but I’m not an idiot. I know your dad wants to keep you away from her, and I can honestly say that I agree with him.”

  “What?” I ask. I always thought she was clueless as hell, but apparently I was wrong. I really need to pay more attention to the people around me.

  “I agree with him,” Crystal repeats. “I know you haven’t lived here all your life like the rest of us, but you need to realize that the sheriff and the club don’t mix. At all. You would’ve eventually either had to make a choice between her and your family. I understand because I’ve had to make the same choice, and I chose my family. We may not be in love, but at least we can grow to like each other enough to actually try and be in a relationship.”

  I want to immediately respond with a no, but she interrupts me immediately.

  “I know you want to follow in your dad’s footsteps, Steve, and this is the easiest route. I want to be left alone by my family, and the best way for me to do that is to be in a relationship with you. I’m not pressing you right now, but just think about it.”

  I don’t know what to say. The only thing I can think to do right now is get another drink, and the next thing I know, I’m wasted and sobbing. All I can think about is Harley and how I messed everything up with her, and how I really felt like I lost my soul mate. It’s crazy because we never actually even got a chance to date. I find myself in an empty room and pull out my phone. I know I’m drunk because the first thing I do is call Harley. At first she doesn’t pick up, but I continue to call until she does.

  “Hello?” she asks defensively. I decided to just say everything that was on my mind before she hung up.

  “Harley,” I start. “Let me just say what I need to say before you hang up. I’m sorry for how I treated you and Loki, and if you two decide you want to be together, I will respect that decision. I want as good of a relationship with you two as I can possibly have and I understand if you guys don’t want one with me.”

  “Uh...Steve,” I hear Adam say in the background. My eyes close with the realization that they’re still together. “Are you drunk, man?”

  “Yea,” I slur. “The football team had an after-party with Crystal and the rest of the squad.” I hear them talking in the background, but I can’t really understand what they’re saying. It sounds like they may be having an argument, but then I hear a voice clear like they’re trying to make sure I’m paying attention.

  “Steve, you need me to come and get you man?” asks Adam. Any type of resentment I had towards him goes away automatically because I’ve been wanting him to talk to me for a while now.

  “No,” I slur again. “I’m fine. I already ruined ya night once, I don’t wanna do it again. I’m sorry for everything I did you ya, man.”

  “Ok,” he responds. “I’ll text Crystal to see whose house you guys are at, and then Harley and I will come pick you up in one of the cages.”

  “Cages?” I say stupidly. “You’re gonna lock me in a cage? Nevermind, I totally deserve it after the way I treated ya.”

  He laughs. “Man, you really must be drunk. Not an actual cage, dude, a car instead of the bikes. There’s no way you’d be able to maintain your balance on one of the bikes if you’re as drunk as I think you are. You know you’ve always been a lightweight, man. Crystal just texted me the address. We’ll be there in about fifteen minutes to pick you up, and you can sleep it off at my house until you need to go home.”

  They hang up the phone and it hits me that I’m really drunk, so I decide to shut my eyes and take a quick nap while I wait for them to come and get me.

  Chapter 13 - Harley, 17 years old

  “I can’t believe we’re actually going to get this asshole,” I complain.
/>   Loki and I were at his favorite spot up in the mountains, and we were sitting there talking about everything. He told me about his stepdad and his mom, as well as how he feels about finally being able to know Hawk as his father. I told him about all the drama I’ve had going on at the house between my parents, and how I think my brother’s new girlfriend is a skank. I would’ve never believed it, but this was one of the best nights of my life regardless of all the Steve drama.

  “He was super drunk, Valkyrie, and you know you would feel bad if something happened to him and we could’ve done something to prevent it. You’re a sweetheart like that,” he says with a wink.

  I groan because he’s right. Steve was obviously drunk when he called us, and I would’ve felt like total shit if something happened to him and we could’ve stopped it. We pull up to a house with a bunch of cars outside, and it’s clear there’s a party going on inside. I’ve never been to a house party, mainly because my brother and his friends scared everybody away from me so it’s weird to actually be at one now. We walk in the house, the music is blasting, and everybody is sloppy drunk.

  We search around the main floor for Crystal so she can tell us where Steve is and run into the other two guys I tutor, Mike and Drew. I never really liked these guys, but Loki makes tutoring bearable. Technically, he doesn’t even have to keep going since he’s not on the team but he doesn’t trust Mike and Drew with me by themselves. I agree since they’re complete chauvinist pigs.

  “The new biker badass is here,” slurs Drew.

  “I see,” says Mike. “I thought you were too good for the guys on the team now. You know, we might not make it to the playoffs because you quit the team.”

  “Oh yea?” replies Adam. “How one guy makes a difference on an entire team confuses the hell out of me. Besides, weren’t you and your buddy the ones saying you were so much better than me and Steve? With me gone, then the team should be better unless your buddy here is still purposely missing blocks so you can be the starting quarterback.”

  Mike looks like he’s about to hit Loki until he sees me. As soon as we lock eyes, he smirks like he found a new target to focus on.

  “What’s up, Harley. Heard you and Steve were about to be a thing until he met Crystal. If that’s the case then maybe you shouldn’t go upstairs. I told you that guys like him would never go for biker trash like you,” he taunts.

  What the hell does that mean?

  “Shit,” says Loki. He grabs my hand and drags me upstairs. He’s busting in all the doors looking for Steve until pauses in front of the doorway at the end of the hallway. Based on his reaction, I know Steve is in there. He looks at me with a little bit of pity in his eyes, which makes me want to see what’s going on. He puts his hand up to stop me.

  “Don’t Valkyrie,” he says.

  “No,” I sigh. “What he said to me tonight shook me and made me reconsider things with him. If I’m going to move on for real, I have to see it.”

  Taking a deep breath, I walk to the doorway and I’m shocked by what I see. Steve is in the bed and Crystal is bouncing up and down on top of him….they’re fucking! All types of thoughts run through my head, and my anger increases again. How dare he? I walk in the room and yank Crystal off him. She tries to lunge at me, but Loki holds her in place. I look down at the drunk motherfucker in front of me.

  “Did you really just feed me and Loki a whole sob story just so we would walk in on you and Crystal fucking? You were really that jealous of Loki?” I yell. Steve just looks at me.

  “Harley?” he says. “What are you doing here?”

  “We came to pick your drunk ass up,” I respond. “To only walk in here with you fucking Crystal after telling me TWICE today that you messed up. It seems like you know exactly what you were doing. Loki let’s fucking go...this piece of shit isn’t even worth it. ”

  I walk out of the room and head straight for the car. I don’t even check to see if Loki is behind me, but I know he’ll catch up. For the first time since I’ve met Steve, I realize that I don’t have to put up with his shit. I thought he was worth it, but it turns out he isn’t. Damn. I sure know how to pick them. Loki finally gets in the driver’s side but doesn’t say a word. He puts his hand on top of mine and intertwines our fingers. We stay that way the whole car ride until he pulls up to my house. All the lights are on and there’s yelling. Mom and dad are arguing again, and I’m not sure I can handle it after the night I’ve had. I hear a throat clear beside me.

  “You know our spare bedroom is always available to you, Valkyrie,” he offers. I just nod my head. We drive down the street to the house that he shares with Hawk. Hawk is in the living room watching tv when we walk in and doesn’t really look very surprised to see me. He sighs and rubs his hands over his face.

  “Hammer is really gonna mess up one of these days, and Janie isn’t gonna be able to forgive him. I’m honestly surprised she hasn’t served him divorce papers yet,” he says in a serious tone. Honestly, I wonder the same thing most days now. He stands up and walks over to me, enveloping me in a hug. Why can’t my dad be like this? I can’t even remember the last time my dad hugged me or the last time I hugged him.

  “Honey,” he says. “You are more than welcome to live with us until your parents sort their shit out. Hell, you damn near live here already. I already mentioned it to your momma the last time she and Hammer had a blowup, and she said that it may be the best option for now. We’re just right down the street so you can still see her all the time if you want.”

  For the first time tonight, I feel relieved. Normally, I would feel guilty about leaving momma, but I just don’t have the energy for it tonight. After dealing with Steve and his crap, I don’t have the time or energy to deal with my parents’ crap, and Loki’s house may be the best option. Loki and I walk to my house, and as we walk up, Hammer is walking out. He stops me like he wants to say something, but as always, he takes off to the clubhouse to drink alcohol and fuck club whores.

  I walk into the house and see momma sitting in the kitchen with her hands in her face. She looks so defeated, and I feel bad for her, just not enough to make me want to keep living here.

  “Hey momma,” I say. “I’m heading upstairs to pack a bag and then I’m moving in with Hawk and Loki.”

  She sighs and starts crying a little and I feel like I’m being selfish for making this decision, even though I know it’s best. I hate leaving her like this, but I can’t continue living like this either.

  “I knew this was coming once you started staying over there whenever things got really bad so I understand why you made this decision. How was your night, baby girl?” she asks.

  “I’d rather not talk about it, to be honest,” I respond.

  “Men are stupid,” she confirms.

  “Hey!” yells Loki.

  We both laugh because I completely forgot he was here. I go upstairs and pack a suitcase as quickly as I can. I’ll only be moving three doors down so I figure I can pretty much live between the two houses. I head down the stairs and meet up with mom in the living, and she gives me a huge hug.

  “I’m going to miss you, but this is what’s necessary right now and I know you’ll be in good hands. Hawk and Loki need someone to look out for them in that bachelor pad of theirs anyways and Hawk will look after you like a daughter while Loki will look after you like a sister,” she says.

  “Damn right,” Loki says under his breath.

  “I was trying to stay with your dad until you graduated and went off to college” she starts. “I’m not sure I can wait that long anymore, and I need some time on my own to think. Your uncle already offered to sign off on her divorce from Hammer, so I have a lot of things to prepare for and Hammer will be pissed. I’d rather that you not be here when the shit hits the fan, baby girl. Enough about me though because I want you to stay focused on school, get into a good college, and make something of yourself. You can’t focus on all this shit between me and Hammer.”

  I don’t know what to say so
Loki and I hug her. She starts sobbing and we just stand there for a while with her and wait until she gets herself together. Once she does, we say our goodbyes and head back over to Hawk’s house. When we get there, Hawk has pizza ordered for us and we just hang out, crack jokes, and chill. I haven’t been able to do this with anyone in my family other than Ace lately, and he’s been too busy with the club and his skanky girlfriend Sarah.

  After pizza and a movie, I head to my new room. I thought this night was going to be shitty after all the Steve drama but it actually turned out alright. Before I nod off to sleep, all I can think is I can’t do anything else other than to just move forward and that’s exactly what I’ll do.

  Chapter 14 - Steve, 18 years old

  I wake up to hear Harley yelling at me and then Loki punching me in the face before they both storm out the room. I’m confused as hell as to what happened and asked Crystal. She looks at her nails with fake innocence while I pull my pants up. Why the fuck are my pants even down anyways?

  “Oh,” Crystal says nonchalantly. “Your biker bitch just caught us fucking.”

  “She what?!” I yelled. “What the fuck is wrong with you, bitch? She already told me how you and your bimbo friends have been bullying her, why are you so dead set on destroying her?”

  “She’s getting in my way, that’s why. She’s getting in our way and the life that our dads plan for us to have. You can’t afford to have that biker trash get in the way. I was just doing what you were too much of a boy scout to do. Now, she’ll never want you,” she sneered.

  What the fuck is wrong with this town and these people? It’s not that fucking serious. As much as I want to punch this bitch in the face right now, I don’t hit women so I storm out of the room and down the stairs where the party is still going on. I’m on my way out when I get stopped by Mike. I really don’t have time for this douchebag right now.